I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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