i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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