I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
