im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
