You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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