So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
