I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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