Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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