i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
