My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
