Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
