Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
