Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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