So drunk its hurt
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
no you cant smoke seaweed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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