Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
