if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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