More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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