HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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