you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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