We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
