Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
