I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
