i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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