Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
