Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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