So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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