the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
