My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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