I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
