Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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