Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
