of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
