Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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