new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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