no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
