we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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