please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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