Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
