I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
