Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
