the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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