Define "chronic" masturbator.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize