i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
