Duck Duck Cougar?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Text me some of your sweat
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
