ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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