Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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