I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
