you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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