Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This is my gift to your gina
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
