oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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