....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You made out with two different species that night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
