At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
