Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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