nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
