Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
