she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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