Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
