To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
