are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
