The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
