I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize