u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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