Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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