Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize