my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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