Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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